


Loose Lip Shipwrecks

by nonky



Category: Nancy Drew (TV 2019)
Genre: CW Nancy Drew Reboot, F/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 07:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21157523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Stakeouts were nothing but trouble. Nick was another version of trouble. Combining them had been a mistake, but he was her backup. Nancy just wished he'd stop asking questions too deep for a damp night crouching in bushes.





	Loose Lip Shipwrecks

Stakeouts were nothing but trouble. Nick was another version of trouble. Combining them had been a mistake, but he was her backup. Nancy just wished he'd stop asking questions too deep for a damp night crouching in bushes.

"Why did you stop solving mysteries? Everybody keeps talking like it was all you did for years," he asked quietly. "I know it's not because your folks disapproved. That would never have stopped you."

It had fueled her when adults looked down their noses and told her she needed to go away and be a kid. Her perspective was better sometimes, different in just the way some cases needed to be handled. She didn't have a job to protect, or a political career. She went after whoever needed to be watched.

"I got busy with other things. I wanted to run for Sea Queen, and I was applying for colleges. Then my mom . . . " She trailed off, glancing at him to see if her half-answer was satisfying him. 

He smiled, and it was an encouraging smile. She liked him, but sometimes Nancy wished he would just ignore her to play a game on his phone. She was used to her own company and thoughts. Grief didn't leave a lot of tolerance for the curiosity of people who hadn't been around long enough to earn her confidence. 

"That's a pretty good answer for somebody who knew you in high school," Nick said. "And you can leave it there, but I can handle the real reason, too."

Her spike of guilt for brushing him off burned away in another moment of resentment. She didn't owe him a portal into her soul. They were sleeping together and it was fun. She was including him in her more dangerous outings. He was going to show up anyway, and he was useful. Mechanical skills and a second pair of eyes were helpful.

"You know, in high school I never would have dated a guy who called me a liar to my face," she said blandly. 

He shook his head and shifted, causing a crackling of leaves that made her cringe. Maybe Nick had no place in her life. Maybe trying to enjoy her unintended gap year was a mistake that would cost her the future she was trying to reach.

"I didn't say it was a lie. But it was a really short answer for all the thoughts I saw whirling around in here."

He reached out and touched her head, hidden under a new black hat. The touch was brief and tender. The weirdest thing about knowing Nick had killed someone was believing he would never hurt her. He was probably sincerely giving her the opportunity to vent things she was afraid to say to the people who had known her all her life.

It was a nice idea, but Nick didn't know what he was talking about. He seemed to be expecting some tearful breakdown that brought them closer emotionally. Nancy had good reasons to let him assume she was possessed of a complex morality and an altruistic worldview. 

The reality was she often seemed cold because she didn't care about other people. She loved her parents, and probably her lost school friends, but everyone else was a suspect, a witness or a victim in her personal mystery theater.

It had never been about helping people and doing good. It hadn't even been about feeling good, since most of the time it had invited more punishment than praise. Nancy Drew wasn't a selfless teen detective, happily blessed with a talent for observation and deduction. She'd felt the need to know where the tantalizing prickles of suspicion would lead. 

She remembered being younger than most kids when she'd stopped believing in imaginary beings like Santa Claus. Her parents were a little more candid than most. There was no younger sibling to have dashed hopes. Once Nancy expressed her dwindling belief, they would own up to the deception. She had understood they just wanted her to have the thoughtlessly happy times of childhood preserved until her own mind saw the flaws in the story. But once magic died, it was gone for good.

"You don't want that," she said, pretending to spot movement by the building they were watching. 

They were very likely not going to see anyone now. It was only a few hours to the opening of the cannery. People who were at work at five in the morning would have done their skulking around before midnight. They should give up and get some sleep.

"Nick-"

His mind had been working furiously as well, and he cut her off. 

"No, you know what?! I don't accept that. You keep judging me based on this imaginary version of a guy just trying to get laid," he said sharply. "I get you're scared of letting me know you, but I deserve some credit. You're the one up and sprinting away two seconds after we're done. You get off on me, and then you get off on running in the opposite direction."

If she truly wanted out, this was the fight to do it. Nancy could think of a dozen wrong things to say, but nothing that would placate him back to the quiet companion he'd been early in the summer. She could go back to solitude, and rid herself of Nick's distracting attempts to date her like they were a normal couple. 

"I get off on a lot of things. You weren't the first," she told him, letting a mean smile edge out. "And have you considered I'm just trying to get laid?"

His head shake was decisive. "Girls who just want sex don't have to talk about how it means nothing every time," Nick told her. "And it doesn't feel the same. You're acting tough but you're soft. You touch me softly, you kiss me like you mean it. You fall asleep in my crappy bed and spend the whole night. I'm trying to prove you can trust me. I'm trying to do something that gets rid of the sadness in your eyes."

Anger flared inside her. "You have no right to decide how I feel," she said flatly. 

Nancy rose to her feet, walking briskly as he hurried after her. She needed to be alone. This partnership was a bad idea. She had lost her friends and boyfriend, and looking for people to support her wasn't going to work in Horseshoe Bay. 

"I wasn't telling you - You have this guilt. And I know guilt. There's a part of you that has accepted your life has gone wrong because you feel you did something wrong," Nick whispered, batting at branches and making too much noise as they moved through the woods. "I know why I feel guilty, and I did do wrong. But I can't figure out what you think you did."

Without the drama of a mystery, Nancy had longed for some conundrum to challenge her understanding. She'd wished for a real taste of the high stakes she knew only through distant speculation. Families rose and fell with her accusations and evidence. She had been smart and powerful, but ultimately untouched on a personal level. 

"I wished for something big to happen," she muttered. "I asked for it. Not out loud, but it was there. I got to see all these terrible things but from the outside. I wondered, if I was part of it would I still be able to think as clearly and solve it? When my mother got sick I realized my finding lost dogs is not that great a skill. I looked everywhere for some kind of hope. It was the only mystery I've ever needed to solve and I failed."

"God, Nancy . . ." He missed a few steps and ran to grab her arm. "You can't think a wish made your mother sick. That's irrational. Nothing works like that. No one was expecting you to save her."

She pulled away and stood still, fighting tears. "I have never really saved anyone. The little girl I found was missing for hours with a man known for liking little girls. She was physically okay, but she'll always have that experience in her memory. I put people in jail, I caused couples to break up, I exposed personal things about people who hadn't done anything wrong. I was playing at it, and then gloating at how callous I was."

Nick took her fallen backpack off her forearm, and cupped her elbow until she could barely breathe. He stared at her, his expression calm and steady. 

She hated him for knowing how to soothe her panic. There was a centredness about him that made it impossible to want him gone. Nancy took deep breaths until she was sure she could speak without her voice cracking.

"I didn't do any of it because I was good," she told him.

"And I don't fix boats for free. Doctors, teachers, and fishermen get paid," Nick said firmly. "No one does anything solely without some personal benefit. You liked it. Maybe you even did some harm, but you were a kid."

The hat was stifling, and she took it off. Nancy didn't want excuses she didn't deserve.

"I was spoiled and privileged. I fed off the excitement of these miserable traumas for other people. It made me feel clever to solve crimes and not have any of it ever touch me. I got to be right and spotless and go home the same brat I was at the beginning of the case," she said. "I never suffered. I didn't lose sleep. I wasn't scared of anything. Threats didn't matter because I didn't believe anything bad would happen to me."

His look was different, a sort of dawning awareness that made her nervous. Nick wasn't a danger, except to her feelings. Her feelings were so worn out they had holes in them. 

"I'm sorry you learned to be afraid," he said slowly. "I'm sorry there was something real to be afraid of, and you lost your mom. But I like you a lot, and I don't want you to become a different person. Learn from it and do better next time. It's all anyone can do."

She was tired, emotional, and careless with her words. "How do you do that after someone dies?"

Nick's expression fell, and he faced the ground. Nancy felt how fragile he was as he let her go to push his hands in his pockets. His slump made him look a foot shorter.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, Nick," she whispered, moving in and hugging him awkwardly until his arms closed around her. He let her cling to him for a minute, and plucked her hat from her clenched fist. 

"It's freezing out here," Nick said sadly. He smoothed her hair back and stretched the hat down to cover her ears. "Let's go. Tomorrow will be here before you notice."

Nancy had a strong impression she would face a lot of tomorrows with him. It was a nice idea as he gently took her hand and they walked back to his truck.


End file.
